I survived my THREE nights! And im currently enjoying my FOUR days off! Not really enjoying though.

Had the first Alumni band chalet. Not many people attended. But it was pleasant still.


I hate weddings! Coz at the end of the day, i would wanna get married as well.



It has happened for quite some time but whenever i think of it, it still hurts. I still tear.
An act of my own stupidity. I deserve the hatred.
Its just that, I've missed u.

A very random late night out. Though nothing could be done, ur presence was wonderful. Thank you.

Im sad and i feel like crying. Hahah.. bye!

This song is annoyingly true. GF, u know what i mean. :(

PRCP has been ok i guess. Ive only been doing junior work in order to familiarise myself with the ward routine and whatnot. I think by next week, im able to take a case or two. One week has passed. Or, as told by wuyue, there's 48 days left. Shes actually counting down, can u believe it. :) Too bad u have to commit yourself for six years. I guess i'll be married by then. haa..

Everyone of my friends are attached. And they are all pushing me out of their life.

NOT FAIR!

i am new, not dumb. Honey, its just the begining for me. Dont u think im a loser, coz im so not.

Gf, my condolence to u and family...

As much as i want to be there for u tonight, i think its better for u to spend ur time with family, and of coz, nenek. Be strong darling. Come what may, u know im just a call away.

I have always regarded nenek as my own. I feel so loved whenever i go over to gf's house and nenek will welcome me with open arms, "...eh cucu nenek datang.." (hugs) . Its a great feeling, especially when i lost my own grandma at the age of 12. For that, thank you nenek.

We had the 'talk' yesterday. Thankfully she made the right choice, at least for her own good but as they were informing us, i cant help feeling selfish. I swear i was forcing myself not to cry infront of them. When they asked what's my opinion, all i said was, "whatever". Obviously i cant stop them and that left me with no choice but to accept, painfully.

14th MArch 2005, the very day where everything began to change..

I miss you and i promise u that u will never be replaced.

I have not been feeling any love from u. All u did whole day recently was to hog on the phone. I dont know u anymore.

Just so you know, i dont really care. Whatever..

I need a boyfriend who understands me. And i dont care what others think. Screw u!

What do YOU want from me? I'll be taken advantage of if im being nice. Everyone will hate me if im being mean. Either way, people will still speak ill of me. Honestly, i dont really care but sometimes, it just got me thinking. Obviously i cant please everyone but do not assume when u dont even know me.

I admit i was such a pms bitch from the age 11-17. Atleast that was the peak. But i tried to change for the better and i wasnt faking, at all. It hurts me to know that u even thought i was faking it just because of one incident when i was trying to be honest. And what's all this about me being a 'spare tyre'..."standard ar, diana kan buat pakai". Yes, i laughed about it coz i knew it was meant to be a joke but it has been said and if not totally, maybe, just maybe u'd been dying to say it out loud but couldnt find the right time. Should u have forgotten, i do have feelings. A smile doesnt mean im happy and im okay with everything.

I fucking dont feel well!

And why does it seem so desperate to u when i want to have a boyfriend? Is it wrong? Does my wanting to have a boyfriend troubles u? I dont even need ur help. So, back off! Well, at least u have someone to hold u during ur darkest moment. I fucking dont! At least u have a living father even if u dont like him. I fucking dont! At least u have an attention of ur mother. I fucking dont! Yet still, ive not been treated nicely.

And you, just because i cant find the time to give u my support, u dont think im a good friend? Who did u find whenever u have problems? Whose the one to listen and give u advice when u need one? Whose there to be ur middle person? Its fucking me, that's who! Shouldnt i be getting a lil credit here?

Whatever..

To you,

Im sorry. Truly i am. I didnt mean to hurt u. I didnt mean to keep things from u. And i cant blame u for getting pissed at me. Yes, im the one at fault. Like i said, the meeting up each other was impromptu, for just a quick dinner or something for both of us were bored at home. Little did i know, his friend was coming along. I swear i would just want to run home coz i cant bare to hurt u. I know, i just did but it was a mistake. I can choose not to tell, like i said, but knowing that now u are in talking terms with him, i wouldnt want u to find out through him. I felt it would be much worse than if u were to find it out from me. That fear led me to telling u. I know u cant trust me nomore. But im not playing 'ms nice'. I never did. But when u compare me to someone else whom ive got no idea who, that hurts. Maybe i deserved that but i thought u could have known better. I really dont want this incident to jeopardize our friendship. Losing someone like you would be such a shame. U can choose to be angry with me for all u want. But i hope for it to stop one day. Im sorry..

Im such a bitch. FUCK!