WEAK
i duno hw to start to dis entry.. it seems lyk everything juz falls on da ground so suddenly...i was treated dat wae..da wae dat i hate to b treated..ur so near yet far..and dat ur very cold towards me.. wadever i do wun make any differance..ur still da same..i was patient enuf to try a few tyms bt eventually, ma feelings changed..its not lyk em trying to do da same thing dat u did in order to make u feel hw em feeling..no..bt it juz happened by itself. mayb by keeping quiet is da bes solution since none of us were able to start wif da coversation..bt soon...i regreted..leaving u to blame urself fer da things dat happened..its not ur fault..its juz sumthing dat can happen wifout us realising..mayb if u wish to avoid dis... plz dun ignore me in future..it hurts badly.. wen i gt home..mama started nagging..dat noone care fer da house and dun hav da initiative to do da chores..lyk HELLO...em skuling..!its not as if i dun do dem during wkends..expect me to do everything?juz bcoz em skuling and dey tot i haf more tym den dem, to tend da house..excuse me..i hav more..at least dey dun hav any homework or need to da revision..I DO..!!! so plz try to understand.. u see..we juz ended our mock exam 2 daes ago..and todae we received da prelim's tymtable..u noe how pressurize i am? no..of coz u guys dun..em so tired..i duno if em able to cope wif da pressure..so i hope very much dat YOU understand and stp giving me problems and worries..mayb i juz nd to b prepared fer everything.. skul.. studies.. family..EVERYTHING..!!! em feeling so helpless..tmr's teachers' dae..em still nt done wif ma card fer mr quek..hope tmr's performance wun b anything werst den da previous yrs... happy teachers' dae to all teachers..

WHhhaaatttT
$118.48..omg..!! dats ma bill fer this month..omg...!!!i hav nvr touch 90 bucks and above..let alone dis..its always bn below $80..and dats da total.. includes da outstanding balance..ma sis gonna kill me..i hafta admit..i sms alot..i only hav 500 free sms..bt i overused til 1854 msgs.. whoa...em so dead..mayb i shud giv ma sis 50 bucks..she wun b dat noisy den..she only hafta as per normal..50 bucks of hers..gosh..em so gona restrict maself frm sms-ing too much..also..dis is da exam period..after dis..i'll b having prelims after sept hols..so hafta kp studying..well..ma mock exam sux..em sure gonna fail all ma paper..well..i did chem p3, ss, and eng..gone case..so tough..and blame maself fer nt studying..em having geog and mads p1 tmr..by hook or by crook..i hafta study..i dun caer..after mock..mayb rest fer a dae or two..den i hafta start mugging lyk crazie..i duno care..o lvl's in 68 daes..omg..dats very fast.. i dun wanna fail..or else sumbody dun wanna tok to me..hw bad..!hahha.. em glad we r back to normal..hmmm..as fer him..i gt nothing to sae alr..if u refuse to tok..i'll remain silent as well..ayte..i hafta start mugging nw.. DIANA...STP DAE DREAMING...!!! GT DAT BRAIN WERKING..NW..!!! ok ok..bbye ppl..hahha...

Tired
had ma english o lvl oral juz now..sux man..passage, picture and conversation was abt supermarket..hahha..strangely, i want nervous wen answering da ques..felt lyk as if eng chian was in front of me..hahha.. isnt dat gd..bt em afraid if ma points were irrelavent..hahha.oh..wadahell... haiz..it happened again juz now..urgh..moment of anguished...hahha.. kinda lah.. bt surprisingly..things turned out fyn automatically after dat..we acted as if nothing had happened..dats gd.. hmmm..hope to b happy everydae..examz ard da corner bt i haven start wif ma revesion..DIE!..gtg now..ma eyes cant open nemore..so long..!

Why
HOW cn i gt out frm dis world em living in..??? a world full of pretence??? i cant possible cont living in dis kinda lyf....!!!i wanna b truely happy... and i wan u to b happy too..i dun wan u to make sacrifices..nt in dat wae..coz u'll b hurting urself even more..i noe u'll say.."ur nt in ma shoe..and u wun noe hw i feel" of coz i dun..i cant..bcoz u din tell me..y r u so stubborn..it hurts me even more if u remain silent..its lyk.. da curiosity will turn to frustration..and it will b accompanied by sadness...ur not helping me u noe..in fact ur torturing me...em alr feeling guilty if i were to make u unhappy..and ur adding on to da guilt em alr facing.. haiz..em trying to make things easier fer u and fer me..i wan u to stp thinking of wad will happen nex..i dun wan u to kp it to urself..i dun wan u to pretend being happy wen ur nt...basically..i dun wan u to torture urself.. coz ur torturing me as well...i wan bof of us to b happy... y cant u do dat fer me...??? y cant u even try...??? y arent u making d effort..?? em not asking fer much..juz wan u to b truthful..dats all..haiz..mayb i shudnt bring dis matter up again if d outcum will b lyk wad we r facing thru ryd now..mayb i hafta kp living in da world of pretence...i duno..plz dun do dis to me..and dun do it to urself..haiz..i think i'll juz go wif da flow... gd nyd ma dear..

Full Of Surprises
its 0223am nw..if i recalled back yesterdae..dis tym ard..em doing ma folio..still struggling.. bt hey..guess wad..i was afraid dat i cudnt finsh wen da tyms up at 5pm..so after skul..i rushed to design studio to print out ma last bit and started writting,drawing and colouring..i played ard fer awhile bt wen da clock striked 0330pm..i started to tremble..em left wif one an a half hour to finish it up..den han wen gave me da arrangement list..and guess wad..i managed to fnish everything sharp at 5pm..i was shocked and delighted... cudnt believe it..hahha..thou ders some parts i din complete..lyk exploration of ideas..em left wif one..erm..da fonts fer da headings hafta change coz i used pencil and ya..practically all da minor stuff..bt wen i handed in to mr quek..none of dem were rejected..unlyk kairui's..hahha. i can rest ma mind fer a moment..dun hafta worry abt ma folio..YEY..!!! ok..em mad..! lyk i said in da previous entry..i din slp..ryd..? oh..guess wad..i slpet thru out eng period coz its da fers lesson fer da dae..hahha.. i duno..i cant open ma eyes..and ma head's pounding lyk crazie..hehhe.. so ok..after dat 1 hr of slp..i sumhow felt bttr.. oh yah..almos fergt..i've gttn back ma o lvl results fer malay language..and shud i say..i managed to get A2 ONLY or i gt A2 SIA...!!! hahha... ok..i din expect to gt distinction coz i tot i did badly fer ppr 1... so wen miss ling announced da students' names..da one who obtained distinction grades infront of da whoel graduating classes..i was shocked wen ma name was sumwer btw d oder names as well..hehhe..i wonder if i gt rusty A2 or a shiny one.. its a waste if i gt da second one coz it feels bttr to gt A1..bt em still happy wif ma results.. i was sad to see naq crying after noeing her results.. cheer up ayte baby..u can do bttr fer da oct ppr..i believe in u...hmm..i wonder if i shud retake..??? nvm..i'll discuss dat wif mama tmr..wen i came hm juz now..i was shagged..dat i slept wif ma uni after watching da 8o/clock chi show..din wake up wen mama asked me to bathe..hehhe..eeewwww... bt den i hafta wake up at 0130am wen ma cuzz called..saying hes cuming over..ok..i took ma shower..n he arrived exactly after ma shower and here i am... blogging..i smmeeelllllL gooooOOdD..!!!hahha..ok den..gonna read ma overdue bk now till i fall aslp..hahha.. nyd..!

BUrn Midnyd OiL
Its 0530am now.. as promised..i din slp da whole dae todae.. yesterdae was a tiring dae bt i managed to slp fer 3 hrs.. bt todae..i jus hafta finish up ma folio wic in d end..still haf sum i haven finish..argh.. so ok..em gonna take ma shower after dis and gt ready fer skul.. whao.. bt strangely..ma eyes aint slppy at all.. i din yawn..hmm..mayb i hav set ma mind abt staying awake..hiaz..burn midnyd oil..i wonder hw i'll b lyk ltr in class..am i gonna slp or stay awake..? last yr..i stayed awake..bt ltr..hmm..only God noes.. i hope to finish up ma folio b4 5pm todae.. and starting frm yesterdae..sec 4e and sec 5n students hafta stay bk in da lib or oder venues fer self study till 7pm..latest till 9pm..u imagine..one whole dae ur in skul.. u'll feel lyk..urgh..! em so uncomfortable..! yah..bt em used to it coz last tym wen i hav band pract..we practically went home ard dat tym.. so..nothing new fer me.. haiz.. juz hoping i dun hav panda eyes ltr..its raining now..so nyc to slp bt too bad..i hafta gt ready fer skul alr.. oh man..ma eyes r closing..hw..???i hafta go to skul...!!!!!!!

Going Crazieeee
AAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH....!!!!!! em still struggling wif ma folio..darn..i still gt lots to do..bt i still gt da cheek to blog..oh wadahell...! ders no one at home..no one's online..so i can only let go of ma frustration..whine..anger..everything..here..i've only done ma ideas and ma presentation drawing and guess wad..i coloured wrongly fer dat... #$@&^#$%^@#^$...!!!!! urgh..!!! ok ..cool down.. hmmm... i hafta hand in ma folio on fri..i guess i wun b slpping tonyd..hopefully..! so suddenly..fathin has bn writting ma name on her entries..hahha.. cool.. and all dis while..she din noe em in changkat and hav a tagboard.. wadahell..!!!u really hafta open ur eyes bigger ya..hahhah.. em so bored can...!!!! wers everyone...!!???? haiz... mock exam'z ard da corner... and em nt prepared..! gosh...ok..i so hafta cont wif ma folio..or i'll be crying blood tears on fri if i cant manage to finish dem...so long...!!!!

F**ked up lyf
sumtyms..i feel lyk killing maself..bt if i cant bring maself to, i'd rather die PEACEFULLY from sum unknown disease..really..i dun wanna live in a world of pretence anymore...ppl dun seems to understand wad i feel even if dey try to..and ma family..mama..keep nagging.. dat i din use ma freedom wisely..juz bcoz of one stupid mistake i made..fark sia..all dey wan to see is gd results..bt dey duno da difficulties em going thru.. urgh.. dey dun wanna try to understand..and i dun even care to tell..heck ar.. i duno wads becoming of me..i've becoming lazier and ma standard in studies has dropped.. em nt kidding..i really dun feel lyk taking ma o lvl dis yr..dun giv a damn..ma lyf is so fucked up.. i dun usually use dat werd bt em really angry and frustrated nw..hmm..i've talked to him..problem settled bt em gonna miss him and his accompanion..its ok den..

watched LITTLE BROTHER wif joy darling juz now..i wasnt sure if da show's a gd one.. i told joy i'll kil her if its sux..hahha.. bt it turned out to b a very touching story..and its a true story i guess.. well..most of da scenes were in da hospital..abt operation on da head..and everything..bof of us cried..bt i cried fer 2 reasons..1:its very touching and sad..2:it reminds me of wad ma dad had to go thru.. ma eyes were red and swollen bcoz of dat..i wanted to kil joy fer bringing me to watch dat show..coz its so...sad and bring back da memories..hahha..i was biten..i threw a clear shot popcorn in joy's shirt..i bite her..and cry on her shoulder..haiz..dat gurl really seen lots of me in one dae..cool..lots of things happened during our outing juz now..hahha..

national dae performance was ok lah..as pathetic as ever..haiz..mock exams cuming soon..em nt done wif ma folio..and em nt in da mood to do so.. i think i hafta slp fers..i din slp da whole nyd yesterdae..duno y..juz cudnt..guess gonna take a nap fer a while..till den..nyd!

Reality
sumtyms..i juz cant fergt abt him..hes bn lingering in ma mind..bt i hav no choice bt to stp having dat feeling..lyk hey..move on will u? ya.. i noe..i dun even noe y em lyk dis..dat sumtyms..i'll feel guilty and wrong towards sumone.. em so sori.. bt hmm..nvm..i basically dunno hw to put it in werds.. saddening.. ya..bt lyf hafta go on.. ryd..? hmm...i'll juz hafta kp reminding maself dat i cant gt everything dat i wan.. dey cum and go.. and i hafta accept dat reality..lyf's full of obstacles..i've gone thru many and i believe dat ders more to cum.. so i hafta gt maself prepared.. and i also believe dat thru dis obstacles..i'll gt to learn more and change fer da bttr,hopefully...these obstacles has bn made by GOD..to test our strength..mainly mentally and emotionally..agree..? by hook or by crook..we hafta go thru it and ders no wae we cud run away frm it.. coz our lyf has bn written in dat manner..its parts and parcel of lyf...i'll regret fer ma mistakes and sumtyms.. wun gt wad i want or prefer..bt i wun ques why..coz dats da wae it is...well...dis is lyf..and i'll live life to da fullest.. no matter wad happens..i'll stand strong...fer da sake of ma mother.. love u all...esp u mama..!

HAPPY BDAE TO BOF CUZZZ..KAK IJA AND JUJUL..!!!

Confusion
its only bn a wk bt lots of things had happen and its practically over da same thing everydae..em getting sick and tired of dis crap..really..! well.. em nt going to details coz i juz dun bother to. i juz hope dat 'u' will stp wif dis nonsense and imaginations before i gt sick of it.. and i hope 'those things' wun happen before our 'O's..coz i noe it'll affect u..alot..! sometyms i dun even noe wad i felt at dat moment...one moment em happy..nex em sad or angry.. really having dis mixed emotion in me.. hmmm... i dun wanna brood on dis..let it go wif da flow...

why r u so cold towards me...? da way u gimme back ma stuff was lyk hey-i-dun-nd-it-anymore-and-u-can-hav-it-back... honestly..i was shocked wif dat kinda attitude u gav.. wad happen to all ur promises..? wad happen to us? i've gt no idea.. really.. bt i dun wanna dwell on it any further..coz it hurts... once is enuf..i dun wanna go thru it again..mayb its bttr dis way..u're wif ur own life and em wif mine.. bt i juz wana thank u fer filling d emptiness in me fer dat period of tym..wen i really nd sumone to cheer me up..u managed to..bt u also managed to hurt me.. mayb last tym..i cant face da fact bt now..wifout hesitation.. i let u go..ur off ma mind and heart..well..i've tried and still trying.. its bttr now.. dun worry...

i wrote abt 2 ppl here..dun ask me who..wad happen...or r u ok..coz i think i am..wel..at least fer nw.. lots of things had happened..i lost one of ma newly bought ear stud wid diamond..and i broke ma big bottle of perfume..to make it werst..its ma bdae gift.. and everynyd i hafta fight wif ma emotion..i really hate it..how i wish everything cud b juz fine... i've longed fer happiness.....and i hope dat dae wud cum.....

HAPPY BURFDAE BABY
hey hey hey...omg..wen was da last tym i've updated??? ermmm... no idea.. well..i juz finished clearing up our stuff dat we've brought fer da 3days 2 nyd chalet at costa sand.. cool... its fer ma bdae celebration.. thou its a last min thing..bt hey..it turned out really well.. i gt lots of prezzieSSS.. yey..! i lyk.. some of ma fwens came..ma ex came as well..as usual..i duno hw to react..bt i atleast i dun giv him dat urgh-hate-to-see-u-here face..nt dat i hate him..bt as i said..i duno hw to react..bt i juz smile and stuff..dey came over while i was eating..so..was abit 'kan-chiong' lah.. hahha nvm.. took lots of pics..its under ma gallery..check it out if u wanna noe hws da situation lyk..FUN!FUN!FUN!.. dats all i can say..bt poor baby he has to werk..so he cant cum over...nvm.. d only tym i wasnt happy was wen i was reminded of ma beloved dad.. fer da fers tym..hes not der fer ma bdae..and dat really make lots of diff..mayb u guys duno hw i feel even thou u try to understand..blame it on hidayu..she made me cry..even after noeing i was alr on d verge of crying.. bt thanx lah..i felt bttr after..even only a few drops of tears rolled down ma cheek..i managed to control maself thou.. well..i duno wad else to say..mayb da pics can tell u..so long..!