Had my individual presentation today. Wasnt confident at all. Afraid i would fumble with my words. Through the presentation, i was shocked to hear my calm voice. Thanks to my 'main caregivers'. They lightened up the atmosphere. I did ok i guess. Oh, and u know what's funny? Comment given was.." blablabla.. u have a very soothing voice which will not threaten the family members or the patients...blablabla.." HAHAHA!! Are u kidding me? Soothing? Ok GF, u can stop giving me that sarcastic look and laugh. Ive just realised that yea, i do speak to my patients in that tone and manner but i cant seem to do that at home though.

Speaking of home, I have no idea why i cant communicate with the rest of the family members without feeling like im forced to. Why oh why! I know its rude but i cant help it. That's why id rather not talk. This doesnt always happen though.

I miss my dad. I miss having him around. I miss the smell of his armpit (really). I miss the way he call me. I miss the way he kiss me. I miss looking at him. i miss hugging him. I miss the warmth he gives each time i snuggle up next to him. I miss everything about him. The thought of him never fails to break me down. It has almost been 3 years yet i felt like he left us just yesterday. He's only 52 then. We didnt see it coming. If only he stopped smoking, i would still be hearing his laughter. Im not blaming anyone though. I just wish he could see me succeed, to be that proud father who could embrace me and whisper some encouragement and supoprt into my ear. The thought of not having a proper goodbye still haunts me. If only....