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herdiana
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As u noe..i dun cry easily..i juz cant..bt wen i do..dat really means sumthing's wrong..well..i had a gd cry juz now..interesting huh? I was helping mama in da kitchen.. doing sum food stuff fer aiman's bdae ltr..while doing so..da song dat was playing in da radio happened to b ma dad's favourite karaoke song.. yah.. all da memories came back. i almos cried in front of mama..i dun wan dat to happen coz it will make her sad. so i went to ma room and burst into tears. i juz miss ma dad so much dat it hurts wen i think of it..i recalled da moments we had..all da sacrifices he made..since i was young..ma dad has taken gd care of me.. hes always der wen i nd him.. if em late fer skul..even if hes abt to go to slp..he wud wake up and send me. if em tired and want to go home straight, he wud fetch me even though ders alot of ppl asking fer a taxi ride home..he cud obtain his income bt he sacrificed his tym to pick me up. nt only me..he wud do dat if any of his family members needed help. he always kol me if em alone at home and asked if i want to eat..mama always said dat abah ingat anak2 kat uma..hes so caring.. Usually if i wake up in da morning on saturdaes or came back frm skul..hes always at home..slpping soundly. once he woke up..he wud smoke..its an everydae routine dat even wifout luking..i noe wads he up to.. bt now..i wake up in an empty house on saturdaes..cums back to an empty house..every part of da house..ders memories..i always imagine all his movements..his routine.i miss kissing his hand wen hes off to work and wave gdbye..he usually be back at 9pm to rest fer awhile b4 cont to seek fer income..bt nw..no one cums back to ask fer a massage..no one to fight wif over da tv wen he wanted to check da flight's arrival.. i miss all dat.. I always feel guilty up till now if i think abt da tyms i was rude towards him.. i am so bad.. i shudnt hav raised ma voice..i regretted..one dae he asked if i wanna eat..i was in foul mood dat dae and i wasnt polite at all..if i knew dat will b da last conversation i had wif him..i wudnt raise ma voice..instead i will go to him and kiss him..and say nicely dat i dun feel lyk eating..and appreciate his concern..bt it was all too late..dat was da last tym i heard his voice b4 da stroke attacked him.. 2 months in da hospital..bt hes unable to tok coz his speech was affected.. i miss his voice..i miss his lufter..i miss his jokes..i miss his coughs..i miss da way he sings..i miss da wae he calls me.. i miss da wae he said 'take care'..basically..i miss himm..alot.. i shud appreciate him more..coz nw..i cant find sumone lyk him.. no one can ever replace ma dad..! But all i nd nw is to hav sumone dat can shower me wif his love and noe dat i am sad and lonely..i wan him to fill da emptiness in me.. i wan him to comfort and tell me dat he'll b der fer me..i dun ask fer much.. i juz nd his attention..bt sadly..i dun gt any of dat..i may appear to b strong..bt em nt.. i juz lyk to put up a brave front.. bt em juz torturing maself..and em tired of doing so..bt in order to move on..i hafta b strong.bt em scared.. em afraid i cant go on..fortunately i hav ma 2 gfs dat can cheer me up.. thanx.. Em letting go of ma emotions and thots here..coz i cant bring maself to tell ppl..mayb ma gfs..bt i dun wish to..i bttr stp typing and crying coz i'll b going out ltr..i dun wan dem to see ma swollen eyes.. anyone reading dis..u dun hafta sympathise me..coz i dun ask fer any..till den..luv ya'll! |
