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today's da 14th of may 2005.. dats two months after ma daddy's death.. i..as usual.. cried while eating..coz usually..on da table..he'll sit opposite me.. i was siting at ma place juz now.. eating alone.. memories kp cuming back.. hes siting der in his usual position..eating his plate of rice and drinking his cup of coffee.. remembered da way he eat and drinks and how he luks lyk after eating... i cant hold back ma tears.. i juz cant.. its only 2 months...bt it seems so long..i dunno how am i gonna continue ma days without him.. while eating..i also think hows mama gonna live w/o her beloved husband by her side..i noe dat she misses him so much..in fact more den us.. after washing ma dishes..i stood by da window..wer he usually stand after eating or wen he smokes... i din see any taxi dat belongs to him.. n i saw a family walking together as a family.. i juz broke down..coz i noe ma family is alr incomplete and it juz feel so different..i miss ma dad alot..i hav not listen to his voice fer 4 months and i will nvr gt to hear it again...and i miss dat...i miss da way he kiss me on ma cheek wen hes off to werk..i miss da way he say ma name..i miss da way he scold me if i nvr sweep da floor..i miss da way he speaks.. i miss da smell of him..practically...i miss him..everytym if i sit on ma sofa..i'll recall his everyday routine wen he wakes up.. i've seen dat fer 17 yrs of ma lyf..and now i cant..coz hes gone..forever..hes juz so nyc and kind, luving , caring, funny...everything...em so emotional ryd now..dat em crying while typing dis entry...why muz a gd person lyk ma dad go so soon...? i dun blame god fer taking him away frm us...bt its juz too early..i still nd a father's luv.. ma lyf has bn so empty... its werst fer mama..we cant leave her alone at home all by herself..dats y i hafta b ard at nyd..still..it feels so different wen ma dad doesnt come hm at 9pm..fer hari raya dis yr and da yrs to cum..ma father wun be ard..dat will make a total difference..totally...!!! i juz envy all ma fwens who still hav their daddys..how i wish i still hav one...i miss him...every part of da house reminds me of him..evrything der is in da house has bn touched by him...how can i fergt abt him..?no...nvr..!!!i wun fergt abt him.. da person who took care of me since young...hes da bez daddy i cud ever hav... Abah..u'll always b in ma heart..i will nvr fergt da daes we spent together..the things u've done fer me...all da troubles u had to go thru..everything abt u..every werd dat came out frm ur mouth.. everything u taught me...will be lock in ma heart and memory..rest assured..i will study hard coz dats wad u've always wanted.. i wun disappoint u nor mama n da res...Abah.. i dun gt da chance to apologise to u fer ma wrong doings.. baby mintak maaf kerana tk jage abah semasa abah berade di dlm hosp...by menyesal.. by terkilan..Abah..plz fergive me... now..i can juz pray to god..hope da bez fer ma daddy.. watever happens..he'll always b in ma heart...yah..its juz so sad to noe dat hes not ard to witness our achievements and everything but i hope frm wer he is now.. he'll b able to... Abah, i will always luv u... |
