|
hello...
|
|
|
herdiana
260788
spill
links
Naqiah*
Hidayu*
Syaza*
Kartika*
Lina(bds)*
Bubu(Bds)*
Nazurah*
Widya*
Shamida*
Ayieen*
Zhengyi*
Ella*
Syafiq*
Crystal*
Emilia*
Nadiyah*
Chew Sian*
Desi*
Shane*
Shalson*
Raudhah*
Lyn*
Rohaida*
Serene*
Haryana*
Adilah*
Alia*
Mus*
Joey*
Szeyeong*
Jub*
Selina*
Ruzanna*
Sylbest*
WanXin*
Efa*
Nano*
Zoe*
Yasmin* archives
credits
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
February's ending in 2 days time. i dont even remember what happened in january. well, at least now im settling down at kakak's. Cant believe i actually went through shits. How i went through it, i cant remember. where did i get the strength to overcome them? its always when things got better and when u looked back, u cant believe how strong u could be. but i do remember alot of cryings. heh. no doubt, i do miss my home at bedok. and each time im there, i'd cry, my heart would sink and memories would come back. but i believe, there must be a reason to everything that has happened. thanks to those who cared, esp bf. thanks for staying by me even when i was being a monster and cry like a baby :) so, feb has been good so far. oh, did i mention that this week, i had 3 days mc and then 4 days off coz of the bali trip? thats madness. and the mc was genuine ok. i dont fake my mc. in fact im afraid to take mc. but i had a bad cough and the weather at bali was crazy hot, i had headache on the 3rd day. ok so, bali was never on my holiday list coz its expansive. but somehow, the conversation between kakak and i 2 weeks ago was like, " wanna go bali ?" and i was , "yea, ok." and 2 weeks later, we went. OMG! thats madness. it wasnt even a proper plan but it happened. im glad. expansive, yes, but for now, we could at least afford it, so why not. boyfriend went too! so that was a plus point. eventhough he had to constantly think of the $$$$ and was afraid of the awkwardness coz its my family trip afterall, but it was kakak who asked if he wanted to come along. i din even say a word to her. :) though there were ups and downs, im glad he came along. so very glad. its bali, afterall. though it wasnt a romantic getaway. i love love love my bf. having to go apart after 4d3n was painful and i had wish we were married then, so we wont have to go back to diff homes. one day ok... ive never felt so lonely before. putting aside the row im having w bf, i miss my family, so much that it hurts. being at the family gathering, sursounded ay his sibling7, made me miss him even m0re that when i got bk home to the dmpty house, all i could do was to think of him, how my family used to b like. and worse of all i cnt talk abt this to anyone. woke up today, and i cried. i miss him. Jealous : Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position. A huge part of me has that. As much as i want it to go away, its not. My suspicion ran wild. Its like i want him all to myself. The thought of them enjoying without me, scares me. I never wanted to be the control freak coz i dont like to be controlled. But when i keep it to myself, my mood changes. It scares me even more. I can never be happy... i have been giving him the hardest time but he's been great. sorry love i'llmake it up to you... This month has been a roller coster ride for me, emotionally. I thought my moodswing period is over, way over since i left secondary school. But i guess, im still as mean as ever. Why?!?! And the person suffering from my moodswings is none other than, my boyfriend, my oh-so-patient boyfriend. Ive been trying hard to control my emotions and it has been good for the last 6 years, until recently. My mood can change within seconds and its scaring the shit out of me. I am sorry, love. I know ive apologised many times but i fear it will happen again, though i wouldnt want it to. The next time it happen, can you please hug me tight, even if i struggle or not returning your hug? i love you.. |
