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herdiana
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Naqiah*
Hidayu*
Syaza*
Kartika*
Lina(bds)*
Bubu(Bds)*
Nazurah*
Widya*
Shamida*
Ayieen*
Zhengyi*
Ella*
Syafiq*
Crystal*
Emilia*
Nadiyah*
Chew Sian*
Desi*
Shane*
Shalson*
Raudhah*
Lyn*
Rohaida*
Serene*
Haryana*
Adilah*
Alia*
Mus*
Joey*
Szeyeong*
Jub*
Selina*
Ruzanna*
Sylbest*
WanXin*
Efa*
Nano*
Zoe*
Yasmin* archives
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Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
Andy's lecture was depressingly annoyingly true, unfortunately coz its somehow related. I really dont need to know all that, not after the oh-so-sweet convo. NOT! Plus a few external factors (which btw, im happy for them but still, its torturing). Why oh why.. Sometimes i wonder what have i done to deserve this. If i were to be mean, noone likes it but when im being nice, i'll be taken advantage of. Can u tell me what im suppose to do? Continue being oblivious? Unlikely, but i can try. Anyway, eversince im aware that life is not all about hehe-haha, ive been pretending. And i think im good at that by now. I pretend that im fine when im not. I pretend that im happy when im not. I pretend that im strong when im not. Im aware that im a walking irony. But then again, whos not? How many people could see through me, im not sure. Maybe none. When im genuinely happy, it wont last. Curling up like a ball and cry, thats the only way to escape from this misery. My life has been incomplete eversince. Have u ever realise? Doubt so. "...im forced to fake a smile, a laugh, everyday of my life..." "...now i sit, all alone, wishing all my feelings was gone..." The dream that ive build, shattered in a matter of seconds. But i thank god for it is happening now than later. It has always been the case whereby i found someone nice and everything was fine initially and then suddenly something just has to happen. Oh well, i cant be bothered actually. Just dont be surprise if one day i were to send u an invitation card saying that im getting married through arranged marriage. That's how pathetic i am. Maybe its not the time or maybe that's how my life has been written. -shrugged- So now, i shall continue my mission of "shooting" any couple i see. Such a pain... I AM OFFICIALLY SICK! My throat has been sore since two days ago. My nose is begining to leak. Headaches come and go. My eyes are hot and tired and i dont feel like going out of bed. Yet im having a long day in school tomorrow. And i cant even kiss amsyar! Nevermind hug him. I dont wish to grow up. Period! So, where should i start? Since the 21st, there's a few interesting things that happened. This entry would be the "What have i done for the past week", unlike my usual entries.. Dont say i didnt warn u.. I realised the whole of last week(except for fri), ive been wearing girly stuffs like skirts and dresses. Then on friday, i decided to dress down which was the total opposite of what i wore the whole of that week. Ive lost track of who i went out with on which day but one day after school, the day that Rafta decided to not attend school and there's no need for Rau to attend school, syaza and i met Rau after school which was weird to sit on the bus with syaza and walked around with her and eat with only her that i think people might think we are together (haha) coz after 2 yrs, i have never walk around with syaza coz shes the good girl whom always go home straight after school(hmph). So yeah, met Rau and headed to Cineleisure for WII session which was disasterously funny. Then to the bra section which all of us just went.."aaaawwww thats nice AND expensive.ouuuh, i like that.." but yeah, no one bought anything. Walked down to dhoby and bus-ed home. That's how i spent the day with the girls for the first time.    Ive donated blood again on the following day with syaza. Rafta's vein is smaller than the needle. U should see syaza's face. haha.. Darling, its not that painful u know. :) And i haven taken any food that contains iron and im not taking the tablet either. hehe..oh, there's this girl who wore the total opposite of what im wearing..    see what i mean..     Met up with gf on friday after school and had late lunch with her n rafta. I hate window shopping but thats the only thing i can do these days. I WANNA SHOP!!! After Rafta left, gf and i went over to starbucks and Lina was working. Bought two drinks from her and got TWO FREE cheesecakes :) Went over to gf's place and only got myself home at 10+.    I couldnt join the usual gang that night coz i know mama will scream. Sorry guys. Here's the shocking part. When i told mama about the dress that i saw, she gave me the money to buy it. And when i told her a friend asked me out that night, she ALLOWED!!! Do u know how freaking excited and surprised and shocked and nervous i was? I think gf knew it all. Im allowed to go out at 12midnight with a guy ive never met before. OMG! So i confirmed with him at 1130pm, and left the house at 12 and mama said "jgn merayap" huh? By going out at 12midnight is already considered merayap mother. hehe.. So when that fellow said his car was gold in colour, i went searching for it till i realised later, it was silver. -____________________- Caught a movie, drove around for a little while and i was home by 4am. And that pakcik said he slept while driving! tsktsktsk.. Nevertheless, a day to remember. :)   I felt bad for not joining the usual gang but this kinda opportunity dont come often. Band practice was tiring. Combined with the CO and i have to say, it turned out to be surprisingly nice. :) Sir ordered 6 boxes of pizza from canadian and i hate it. Sarpino's is far better. Oh well, free food afterall... Afterwhich, met up with F.A.R and went over to thiah's for the soccer match. Man u lost! oh man.... Cooked maggi mee and we ate from the pan itself. Must have gotten that idea from the korean shows. hehe..  Mother msg-ed me from batam saying that i should have followed her coz there's alot of things for me to buy. DARN!!!!!!!!!! Though i felt pressurize this whole week, what i have mentioned above make up for it. Thank you. :) Im having sore throat. I think im going down with flu. :( And amsyar's a big boy now, not forgetting, NOISY!               Take care people!
So, after all the commotions of who's going to accompany me, i realised the possibility of me getting that phone is, ZERO! But thanks Selina, for the company though u were tired and whining of how hot the weather was, ok, twas FREAKING HOT! Headed to town for awhile just so she could wave to Mr L. Sadly, she WASNT entertained! HAHAH! Went over to Selina's for a swim and yes, that was the first and i feel so naked. My 4 laps are equivalent to her 12 laps(plus 2 toe cramps). I wanted to just laze around ok, not exercise. Not that im not fit...errr, i guess. haha. OH! I learned a new song, "wont go home without you" :) Thanks for the patience. Now i have to bear with the consequences of over-practicing. :( I miss siti naqiah!!! And guess what, we are in the same situation, yet again! YEY! HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY RAMDAN!!!! :) That conversation we had kept me thinking. Am i really the type who got pissed off easily? Ok, yes, yes, i know u'll go,"duh! do u even have to ask?" That bad huh? I realised whenever im in a bad mood or tired or the presence of someone bothers me(in a way or two), i'll transform into a cold hearted person. I dont talk. I walk alone. And i dont smile as often. To whoever it may concern, im sorry to have given u such attitude. I know its wrong but those reactions came involuntarily. But at least im not as bad as i used to. One thing u should know is that, when i say 'no' or 'i dont want', i mean it. So, just go with the flow and not to insist on what u think is right coz i can be very mean if u dont listen. Otherwise, im quite flexible. ha ha! Maybe this character hinders me from forming a relationship with someone. Maybe that's why im still single. Like i said, i can be nice, very nice but i can be mean if i have to. And like u said, this is a challenge for the guy. If he managed to overcome this obstacle, maybe he's 'The One', who knows. Sometimes, i wish im a better person. Someone who doesnt care of what the world has to say and just smile. But i know im not that type. I can pretend though. Or i can be like that, only after being rational. That could take a few minutes or hours or days or months or for that matter, years. Im aware of the type of person i am, at least this bit. Im the type who gets angry easily but most of the time, the anger or hatred wont last. Within minutes, the other party will be forgiven. And then i'll blame myself, which leads me to apologising. Maybe thats my weakness, or is that my strength? Well, it depends on individual to decide. But u have to trust me that im learning and still trying... to be better. i miss u. When boredom strikes.. Ok, maybe we're just plain vain... :)                              Reason for not updating was because there's nothing interesting to share. Apart from having him for a lecturer. I blushed when he called my name. 'herdianaaa..' Oh, that sexy voice. haha.. So, school has been a routine. Lectures, tutorials, skills, projects, meetings BUT no boys. NONE! How pathetic. I think i dont like talking about school. Boooorinnnng! Moving on... I have a new found friend whom i called 'cheeky monster'. Someone's trying to test me huh. Too bad darling, im not easily tempted. :) I swear i have no idea why ive been missing u when i dont even know u. Weird. That shouldnt happen u know. Caught a movie in an empty cinema with selina today. There's a group of youngsters, mixture of boys and girls right behind us. Ok, fine. So what if the show is not to ur liking. So what if its slow and has a soporific effect on u. If u dont like it, just SHUT UP! I cant stand people who dont/cant appreciate. Bloody annoying. OH! Next time u wanna catch a movie at cathay, grab an elderly on ur way up. U'll just need to pay for 4 bucks! How cheap is that? I wish i have loads of money to buy clothes and shoes and bags and everything a girl wants :( Oh, selina pulled my eyelashes on purpose. How evil is that? And i thought she wanted to clear something off my eyes. Thanks ar! I know u love them. But still, u cant pull them and run away! And she came up with another way of using tampons, which is to shaft it up ur ass, especially if u have diarrhoea. Disgusting! OH! I cut my hair! It wasnt supposed to be short. I told the hairdresser to keep the length but she happily snipped it off, like 2.5-3 inches? And i thought losing one inch of my hair would make a huge difference. Some poeple couldnt see the difference but i could feel it. Ok, maybe im being paranoid but who cares! Im the one looking like a lion now.. Why do i feel lonely everynight? Why? oh well... '...i was all by myself for the longest time, so cold inside...' |
